I blame Chaos- UFC 79 results

Perhaps I was a bit overconfident in my beliefs that math is infallible. Given the 4.5 out of 10 correct predictions my equation was able to produce, you’d most likely guess the laws of science simply weren’t on my side.

You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? Well, you’re wrong. By now I assume, given the wild success of the classic piece of cinema The Butterfly Effect, most readers out there know the chaos theory which states the flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Tibet can ultimately result in a tornado in Canada. I’ve tested this and, believe me, it’s accurate. As such, I am led to believe the incessant yelling of drunken idiots seated near me and The Jeff at UFC 79 directly impacted the outcome of the evening’s fights. My math was flawless, but as usual, alcohol screwed everything up.

On to the results!

Unlike most folks who pay big bucks to see UFCs live, The Jeff and I made sure we were in our seats well before the first “let’s do it.” (I assume Herb Dean shouts something like that to kick off each fight. I’m not sure. It’s no “Let’s get it on,” that’s for sure.)

In my predictions, I called for a narrow win by Doug Evans over Mark Bocek. WRONG! Bocek took this one due to decision. In math’s defense, a decision is more “narrow” than a TKO or tapout, so we’ll call this one a wash.

Into the second bout, I called for Roan Carneiro to knock Tony DeSouza square on his ass. In round two, Carneiro proved the odds correct with a TKO. Booya!

Not only was my math wrong in the Dean Lister/Jordan Radev fight, but the fight was also about as entertaining as your standard calculus class. In this snorefest, Lister bested Radev via unanimous decision after three rounds of serving as his dancing partner. I like Lister, but damn did he move slow in this fight. Being the least boring of the two isn't a win in my book.

I said Manny Gamburyan would best Nate Mohr in traditional bloodbath fashion and, well, I was almost right. Had Mohr’s broken bone due to ankle-lock pierced the skin, I’m confident there would have been a lot more blood on the mat. Instead, an awkward shift in body position led to Mohr losing the ability to walk and Gamburyan nabbing the win.

According to my calculations, the James Irvin/Luis Cane fight was supposed to end in a draw. Unfortunately, Cane threw a knee into a downed Irvin’s skull and, ultimately, lost due to disqualification. I’m going to go on record as saying I’ve seen better “falls” taken in many-a soccer match. This was an unfortunate way for a fight to end. As for Irvin, consider yourself suspect, buddy.

In the fight between Eddie Sanchez and Soa Palelei, math insisted a battle would ensue resulting in a Sanchez victory. The battle was only decent, but Sanchez did actually win via TKO in the third.

Melvin Guillard was supposed to decapitate Rich Clementi. Unfortunately, “No Love” lived up to his nickname by delivering an insulting final kick after besting Guillard with a rear naked choke. The Jeff said it best. We’re adding “watch Clementi get his disrespectful ass kicked” to our lifetime to-do lists.

Rameau Sokoudjou was supposed to top Lyoto Machida for a big win. Maybe Sokoudjou’s Predator mask threw off his equilibrium because his performance certainly left something to be desired. I was hoping for more out of this fight. Instead, Machida had a decently easy time attaching himself to Sokoudjou’s back and choking him into submission.

In the battle of the freight trains, Wanderlei Silva was destined to chop Chuck Liddell down in short order. After three of the most exhilarating rounds I’ve ever seen stacked together, Liddell was able to walk away the victor with a unanimous and well earned decision. Silva had his bell rung a few times, but both of these titans earned their keep through three rounds of fantastic fisticuffs. VERY entertaining.

Onto the main event of the night and we’ll find the final and most accurate mathematical success. As predicted, Georges St. Pierre attempted to rip Matt Hughes’ arms off and beat him to death with the bloody ends. After dominating the good ole’ boy on his feet and on the ground through the first round, St. Pierre found his victory early in the second halfway through the process of detaching the first limb. The awkward position of the arm-bar led to Hughes having to verbally tapout, giving French Canadian Jesus the win and the belt.

All-in-all, I couldn’t have been more pleased with UFC 79. Despite a couple of snorefests and the questionable DQ, the rest of the evening was a pleasure to take in. Hows about yous guys? Did your fighters win? What were your thoughts on the main events? Feel free to leave comments and share your thoughts.