Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Movie of da week- King of Kong

I was totally ready to crack open the movie vault and pull out a gem from the past to recommend for this week's viewing pleasure when a ray of golden sunshine suddenly pierced the murky darkness cast by the otherwise horrid offerings up for grabs this week.

Looking over such sure-to-be box office hits as Strange Wilderness, The Eye, Over Her Dead Body and that new Hannah Montana movie, I realized the silver screen was looking pretty terrible this weekend. While Strange Wilderness will probably have its funny moments, I can't help but feel it's going to be nothing more than the same stoner jokes and boobie-obsessed nonsense that has become a trademark of Happy Madison films and the like.

The Eye is going to be another crappy Japanese horror movie rip-off while...You know what. I think it's safe to say I don't have to comment on Over Her Dead Body or the Hannah Montana sing-along. Both frighten me and should frighten you as well...Moving on.

When I brought up the list of DVD releases theis week my eyes caught Lake Placid 2 and, immediately following, my brain shut down completely. Seriously? Is this how we're spending our money and time now? Anyway, stumbling over the rest of this week's disc-y craptitude, I finally ran smack-dab into one of the easiest recomendations ever- King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters.

If you like-a the videogames, just go ahead and buy this one. If you like-a the funny, smartly crafted and oddly moving, you could do far, far worse than to rent this spectacular documentary chronicling one man's quest to beat the all-time high score in his favorite arcade game.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Where the crap is all the music?

So I'm sitting here, trying to decide on a topic for the day's post, when it hits me- there's next to nothing going on in the music world these days.

Maybe I'm late to the show and that statement has been obvious to you for a few years but, given my decent scope of the industry and nearly all-encompassing tastes, it just dawned on me how long it's been since a CD release has gotten my blood pumping.

Other than Radiohead's In Rainbows a month or so ago, the only albums I've purchased in 2008 are the remastered works of Joy Division (badical), and, um, I think that's it. The Jeff picked me up a wicked-cool copy of Tom Waits' album Frank's Wild Years for Christmas, but that bad boy dates back to the late 80s.

What baffles me most is the near complete absence of flavor of the week efforts as well. Maybe quarter one is a slow time for musicians and I've just never noticed this before, but I look forward to the first fresh sound of the New Year. After some thurough, deep research of all the web has to offer (read: a two second Googling), I see nothing over at least the next month to pique my interest.

If you have any reccomendations, I'd love to hear them because, seriously, I could use something new to listen to that includes neither the words "oh, girl," "yeeeeah," or "look at me, I'm so dark, unique and emo."

Monday, January 28, 2008

Burnout: Paradise, exactly what it promises to be

When the Burnout: Paradise demo came out about a month ago, I immediately told everyone I knew they had to play it. Featuring just a portion of the final product, the demo quickly ate away more of my time than most full games sitting on the shelf.

Now that Paradise has been unleashed on the masses, I would like to reiterate my high opinions concerning the game. Anyone with a PS-Triple or 360 with even a remote interest in arcade racers owes it to themselves to go out and get this game. Crammed with more content than you could ever hope for in a driving game, not to mention some sick graphics and a silky smooth frame rate, Paradise has a plethora of offerings for the hardcore and casual gamer alike.

Offline there are 80 cars to unlock and more than 200 events ranging five race types to take part in. Each of 60 streets also has its own set of challenges to offer competition with friends or on an international scale. Along with that, the massive world is completely open, making it possible to lose hours on end competing in a variety of events or just cruising around on the lookout for billboards to crash through, jumps to hit and stunts to land.

Honestly, that only scratches the surface of what Paradise offers the offline community. If you're tired of raging on the streets alone, however, the simple push of a button thrusts you into a seamless online experience with 350 of its own challenges, races to compete in, records to obliterate and opponents to slam into just for the hell of it. Combine the two experiences and there is literally almost too much good stuff crammed into this single game.

This is easily one of the best, most rewarding and visceral driving games I've ever sank my teeth into. I can't reccomend it enough.

For those on the lookout for a racing budy for online challenges, feel free to add my PSN, "eternalecho," and I'll be sure to see you on the vicious streets of Paradise.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Movie of da week- Rambo

This movie gets a "hells-freaking-yeah" from me. Scoff all you want, there's a strong possibility Rambo might turn out to be a fantastic action flick. What makes me so certain? Rocky Balboa.

I'll admit I was one of the first to fake gag the moment I heard Sly Stallone was making another Rocky movie. I saw it as a cheap attempt at cashing in on a deceased franchise and figured it would most certainly turn out just as bad as, if not worse than, Rocky V. *shudders*

Turns out I was bad wrong. Badong, you might say. Rocky Balboa was easily the best in the series since the original. There was a good script and surprisingly good acting. I was amazed at how effortlessly Rocko and Paulie returned to the silver screen as if the men behind the characters had never given up the roles.

It is for this reason I give Rambo the benefit of the doubt and name it my movie to see this week. Stallone proved me wrong once and, this time, I'm going in fully expecting a quality conclusion to a much-loved franchise. Here's hoping my newfound faith in the writer/director/actor is not misplaced. Go see Rambo.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Ledger, Arlovski and Boll

Never thought I'd write those three last names side by side. In traditional Echo fashion, I've fallen a little behind. So, here's a quick recap of a few topics I would have liked to post more on.

Why don't I just post more now, you may ask. Because I'm lazy and currently watching a UFC Fight Night, of course. You can't expect me to pay proper attention to a post and watch a guy get a boot put to his gob at the same time can you? Besides, these are topics I could rant about for hours. Consider my slimming things down a favor. And now, some tidbits for you to consume. Begin consumption now...

Heath Ledger, dead at 28- I could make you a list of the Hollywood folk I would not be surprised to see find their way into the obituaries and Heath Ledger's name would be somewhere near the very bottom. The fact that it may be drug related just tears at my brain. The guy had a seriously decent resume built at such a young age with nowhere to go but up and boom, it's looking like he may have thrown it all away with a handful of pills. Ledger's upcoming role as The Joker in The Dark Knight is one of my most anticipated of the past half-decade. As such, my greatest regret is the thought of what films the man will never get the chance to make. Such a waste.

Arlovski at UFC 82- According to a recent article in the Dayton Daily News, Andre "The Pitbull" Arlovski might not make a televised appearance at UFC 82. According to the MMA Junkie article, UFC 82 may just be too stacked to squeeze in all the big names. With the likes of Silva, Fitch, Sanchez and Koscheck filling in the gaps, at least one "big name" match is destined to find its way into under-card obscurity. With Arlovski's relationship with the UFC on the rocks and his contract running out the moment his next fight ends, it's looking pretty likely Nosvarlovski will only be witnessed draining the lifeblood of his most recent victim for those watching from the stands. Arlovski being one of my favorite fighters of all time, to say this would anger me is a gross understatement.

Boll-b-gone- I guess someone in power in Germany is an avid reader of I call Uwe Boll out for being a horrible blemish on the face of moviedom and, just like that, I may not have to worry about some poor sap being suckered into wasting money on his schlock ever again. The dude was using a German tax loophole to fund his projects and, thanks to a change in legislation, the fund-pond has been drained dry for this wretched hack. Boll will either have to front the bill himself or try to shop his ideas around if he ever expects to waste a $17-million budget again. Sadly, given the way Hollywood is going these days, there just might be some studio exec out there stupid enough to bite. Check out joystiq for the full story.

Monday, January 21, 2008

It all started with a chair- Juno review

First of all, I'd like to appologize for the abundance of reviews as of late. I've been blessed with a chance to take in quite a few movies and what have you, so why not share my opinion with the rest of the world?

As for Juno, my opinion is very high. Overflowing with witty dialogue and fun references, I have officially added writer Diablo Cody to my "to hug" list. Well...partially because of the movie, and also partially because she's gorgeous. But mostly because of the movie...And also mostly because she's gorgeous. Either way, anyone who uses a Thundercats quote and the phrase "home skillet" in the same project is A-OK in my book. Add to that a style remeniscant of Wes Anderson, one of my favorite directors, and a killer indie soundtrack and you've got yourself a winner.

Anyway, for those who don't know, Juno is about a quirky 16-year-old girl who, upon making yum-yums with an equally quirky track nerd, finds her eggo peggo (loved that line). The ninety-six minutes which follow are some of the most funny, endearing, heart-warming and heart-breaking I've seen all year. For the record, I'm counting all of 2007 for those smart allecks who will say something like, "all year's only been three weeks." I'm on to you.

Up for a handful of Golden Globes and a bunch of other awards, you don't really need me to tell you how good Juno is. But I will. Juno is fantastic. Go see it.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Fast, frantic and fun- Cloverfield review

Don't worry, this will be spoiler free.

First of all, I loves me some monster films when they're done right. Secondly, monster films are seldom done right. Thirdly, monster films are even more seldom done as "right" as Cloverfield.

I went in with a lot of concerns and questions. Will we get a clear shot of the monster? If so, will it look like freaking Godzilla. Where did the creature come from? Stuff like that. I won't answer any of these questions here because, obviously, finding out through experiencing the film is a huge part of the fun...This is really hard to write when I'm trying to tiptoe around everything.

I'll just say this- the acting is pretty dang good considering the talent pool, the hand cam usage works very well and, though it appears impromptu, I imagine it took a lot of work to get it to look that way. Much of the dialogue is sharp and the action is extremely frantic. The movie runs at only 80 minutes, but everything crammed into that time makes for a complete and enjoyable experience.

Rather than shove a bunch of messages about the dangers of nuclear weapons or what happens when we play God down our throat, Cloverfield simply drops the viewer into a seemingly ordinary setting where everything gets turned upside-down by an utterly extraordinary chain of events. You're kept just as off guard as the folks on-screen and, as it turns out, this method is more effective than any heavy-handed attempt made in the past.

To sum up, you gots to go see Cloverfield. This is one of those big movies you don't want to miss on the silver screen.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Pax Romana- Read it!

I haven't updated about comics yet because, since staticEchoes was formed two months ago, I haven't found much in the world of word bubbles that really warranted comment.

That's changed.

I offer up Jonathan Hickman's Pax Romana for your reading pleasure. Mid-2007 I got into Hickman's first project The Nightly News. If you dig comics, I highly recommend you give that one a read. If you don't like comics, I still think you aught to check it out. You might be surprised. Everything this guy brings to the table is top-notch and actually manages to exercise that gray matter set atop your neck.

Hickman has a very unique art style, presenting his pages and stories in a fashion reminiscent of a magazine layout. It works surprisingly well. Equally important, his stories are fantastic, well thought out and wholly believable. I can't think of many folks working today who do their own books cover to cover and manage to produce such amazing content in both art and word.

I'd like to tell you what Pax Romana is about, but the core of the story has not been revealed just yet. The premise, however, is this: At some point in the future the Vatican decides to send a military group back in time to save the Roman empire and, in the process, alter the course of human history; a history where mankind commits countless atrocities and, eventually, the Catholic religion is all but extinct. Despite that build-up, Hickman promises his book is not about religion, but rather sociology. I don't care what it's about so long as the remaining three chapters are as entertaining as the first.

Pax Romana is a meaty read with lots of art to enjoy and plenty of content to let sink in. Hickman has a brilliant head on his shoulders, so prepare to be blown away with how well thought out and structured his latest work is. This is a truly engaging read.

I know comics are gaining ground in the mainstream world these days, but I also know many still consider them kid books or something meant for basement dwellers when they're not rolling twenty-sided dice. I assure you such is not the case with this title. You like thinkin? You like readin? You like intricate artwork? I highly recommend you give Pax Romana a chance.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Movie of da week- Cloverfield

This is the first in what will probably become an every Wednesday thing. Whether on DVD or in theaters, I plan on picking one movie per week to reccomend to the masses. On a slow or poop-movie-filled week, I'll give a little attention to something pulled from the vault instead. And yes, I keep my movies in a vault.

On to this week's movie! Cloverfield. I don't think I really have to say much more than that...Actually, I CAN'T say much more than that. Thanks to the viral marketing this film has undergone, very little is known about Cloverfield save that it takes place in New York, looks like it was filmed entirely on hand-cam, and features a giant monster tearing skyscrapers asunder. I'm in!

Clocking in at an hour and twenty minutes, even if Cloverfield turns out to be bunk, at least you won't have to suffer too long. My guess, though, is that this is going to be a fun monster movie in the vein of classic Godzilla with plenty of frantic moments to excite the senses. *fingers crossed*

Check it out when it opens in theaters this Friday.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Movies to miss in February

February is shaping up to be a real crapfest at the box office. I'm a fan of throwing tomatoes, so here's a look at a few films you should stay well away from in the coming weeks. Be sure to let me know if you make it out to any of these so I can ridicule you mercilessly.

Jumper- I never would have believed you could make Samueal L. M-er-F-ing Jackson look uncool. Turns out I was wrong. Despite the nifty special effects, this movie looks pretty terrible. At least in Formula 51 Jackson managed to pour on the right amount of cheese to make it feel like I was laughing with him rather than at him. In Jumper, not so much. I expect to be laughing through the film's entire runtime. Afterwards, I'll probably cry a little.

Witless Protection- Four words; Larry the Cable Guy. I think I've said enough.

Postal- Uwe Boll's latest epic (Al Qaeda and a bunch of half-cocked goons try to rob the same amusement park on the same day? Really?) hits the silver screen in limited release this February after several months of delay. If the fact that it's a Boll film, limited, based on wretched source material (if you can call it that) and, on top of that, somehow got delayed, doesn't make you shy away, absolutely nothing will. I'm going to go on record as saying Mr. Boll is one of the worst things to happen to movies in the history of, well, ever. With any luck, this one will fade away into nothingness and never even make it to DVD.

The Hottie and the Nottie- Another terrible idea that will hopefully never make it past its February limited release. Anyone who thinks Paris Hilton needs to be a starring role in a film is asking for a punch to the throat. Also, I'm supposed to believe Mrs. Heiress would ever hang out with the likes of this girl? I've officially lost all hope for the future of Hollywood.

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Golden Globes- Lamefest 2008

Well, the Golden Globes came and went and nobody seems to be the wiser. Thanks to the Writers Guild strike, what used to be yet another excuse for all the glittering celebs to don borrowed Gucci was turned into a press conference of sorts complete with bad editing and utterly unnecessary frills. If you're going to half-ass it, at least half-ass it well. Gimme the list and the winner. I don't need all the extra jibba-jabba.

One thing I've noticed over the past couple years is the fact small Hollywood is shining brighter than ever. Low budget films are drawing some serious talent these days, not because it's the "in" thing, but rather it's the only place to turn for story-driven works that aren't crappy sequels or remakes.

Unfortunately, I have not seen this year's best picture winner Atonement. It's on my to-do list, just not very high up. Alls I know is, it had better be a damn fine film to best No Country For Old Men and There Will Be Blood at the same time. Given how much I love those two films, I have a feeling Atonement getting the Golden Globe has set my expectations of the movie far too high. It looks like a particularly good war-time romance, but nothing I haven't seen in one form or another multiple times. Obviously, I'll reserve such judgment until AFTER I actually get to see the thing.

I'm not a huge fan of the Globes, so I'll continue my shameless man-love for Daniel Day-Lewis and Javier Bardem for just a moment more and be done with it. Yes, there were tons of awards, but none were given out to anyone I care about so much as these two in 2007.

I was afraid, given Bardem's large role in No
Country For Old Men as Anton, my favorite silenced-shotgun carrying psycho, he would be up against Day-Lewis' Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood for the best actor nod. Flip a freaking coin. (Get it!?) They were both unstoppable. Thankfully, however, Day-Lewis was up for best actor (win!) and Bardem took home the shiny spherical statue for supporting actor. Woot!

For the full list of results, feel free to click here and give em a gander. Otherwise, if anyone has seen Atonement, I'd love to hear your opinion. Is it really THAT good?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Let the hi-def "war" end already

Now that Warner Bros. and New Line Cinema have "chosen a side," does that mean this whole high definition war-thing can finally be over? I get that competition usually helps the consumer- driving down prices and creating a desire to provide a truly superior product between competitors- but in the case of Blu-Ray and HD-DVD, the race was too close to call from the get-go.

Ignoring all the technical mumbo-jumbo, both products provided more or less the exact same experience. They even cost the same. Their players may have had a different price point (with HD being slightly cheaper at the moment), but even those would stabilize and even out if given just a bit more time. This being the case, why should I, the consumer, have to decide what movies I want to watch based off which studios support which player?

Personally, I think Warner Bros. had the right idea. Knowing a window to make high def discs would only be so big, they realized different studios choosing sides and forcing consumers to make a bunk decision was only costing themselves and said consumers mucho bucks. It's gotten to the point where I don't care which way it goes so long as I can rest easy knowing my money isn't being wasted on a soon-to-die-off format.

Despite the fact most studios have made their decision (Blu-Ray), I'm shocked to see the continuing efforts to keep HD-DVD around, especially when the argument being made by Toshiba execs is they don't want those who purchased their products to feel like they wasted their money. The decision to milk it as long as possible is only going to force uninformed individuals to keep on spending money until they're finally left in the cold at a slightly later date. The only difference then will be, instead of buying a player and a handful of HD-DVDs for a few hundred bucks, they've now spent a grand or more. Way to save them some cash.

I say Toshiba should cut their losses, accept Blu-Ray has won this round and move on. It's less about pride at this point and more about not scamming the moms and pops who have no idea there's a "format war" going on and their money is being wasted.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Poetry in motion- There Will Be Blood review

The past twelve month's worth of movies hasn't really left me feeling all that warm and fuzzy inside. In all, I'd have to say it was a pretty poor year to be a film fanatic. However, I was quite pleased with the New Year transitional one-two-punch delivered thanks to the growing visibility of smaller films. I'm talking about the phenomenal No Country For Old Men released in November and the equally mesmerizing There Will Be Blood currently playing in indy theaters all over the country.

I will make no further comparison between the two films save to say I once again found myself sitting in my theater seat contemplating what I had just witnessed for some time as the credits rolled. Walking through the parking lot, my mind lingered on the same topic. Sitting in my car several minutes before allowing myself to drive home, I was still stuck on that Texan landscape letting the dust blow past and the oil rain down. I have a feeling the images, ideas and performances of There Will Be Blood will stay with me for quite some time.

The film is slow moving, thoughtful and very atmospheric. While there are a few "splosions" put on display, There Will Be Blood is intended for those who can sit through two-and-a-half hours of character and plot development with only a few "heart-pounding" moments spread throughout. When those moments come, though, good lord are they fantastic. I found myself nearly wanting to look away with how gritty and true they felt. Despite the title, there is little in the line of "blood" to be found here. Instead, it's the ugliest reaches of human nature that provides all the shock.

While everyone on-screen does a fantastic job with their roles, two actors in particular have delivered performances that will go down in cinematic history. Paul Dano as the young preacher Eli Sunday and Daniel Day-Lewis as the frothing, terrifying Daniel Plainview light up the screen with their own versions of fire and brimstone in an epic tale of good versus evil and the constant confusion over which is which. Electrifying. Captivating. Stunning. Flawless. Whichever cliche you pick, seldom has it been so deserved as by these two artists. Day-Lewis as Plainview, for one, has and will have trouble finding many peers for the energy and love he poured into that character.

I could go on forever about how good There Will Be Blood is. The music is a bit bizarre, but also bizarrely appropriate. The cinematography and set pieces are breathtaking. The direction was superb. Other than feeling slightly too long (mainly due to pacing, not content), I find little to hold against director Paul Thomas Anderson's latest work. There Will Be Blood earns the title of masterpiece with its brute force and ability to dig deep and stay firmly planted. It requires a bit of commitment on the part of the viewer, but the payoff is abundantly worth it.

Monday, January 7, 2008

American Gladiators, hell's-freaking-yeah

I think it's safe to say one of God's greatest gifts to all mankind, if you ignore Jesus, unconditional forgiveness and all that jazz, has got to be American Gladiators. Coming in at a close second is Hulk Hogan.

This being the case, I have to ask, why aren't you watching the new American Gladiators!?

For those who didn't know, many television shows have suffered thanks to the ongoing Screenwriters Guild strike. Without writers to build these shows, many have had to resort to reruns or cutting seasons short in order to make up for the lack of new content. The U.S. being the TV-oriented culture it is, the upiddy-ups have had to come up with some creative tactics to keep couch potatoes planted firmly in their seats. One answer to the problem is reality TV and, it just so happens, American Gladiators fits the bill perfectly.

Debuting this week on NBC, this new iteration of the legendary program picks up right where the original left off some 13 years ago. Thankfully, hosts Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali keep the jibba-jabba to a minimum and let the action do most of the talking. The cheesy interviews, though appropriate for this particular show, are mercifully kept nice and short.

With a new cast of behemoth Gladiators to trounce many-a Joe and Jill Average, revamped versions of old competitions like Joust and The Eliminator, and several new and creative events thrown into the mix, the 2008 version of AG feels like a breath of fresh air blended smoothly with plenty of nostalgia.

The biggest difference I've noticed is the physical demands of the new show. Maybe I just don't recall the old days as well as I'd like to think, but if memory serves correct, these guys hit a hell of a lot harder and throw far more caution to the wind than in AG Classic. Several events now have competitors wearing little neck braces "just in case." Also, The Eliminator now lives up to its name. IF competitors cross the finish line, they usually look two steps from death's door when they do so. I'm all for this. If there's anything I hate worse than a reality television show, it's a "reality" television show that is anything but. This actually feels like a genuine competition.

The new show won't win everyone over but, for me, this is shaping up to be a lot of fun. As a bonus for those who, like me, don't like watching all that much TV, there are only eight episodes total. Not including last night's two-hour premiere and tonight's new episode, that only leaves five week's of commitment to being in front of the flickering box at 8 p.m. on Mondays. If nothing else, it's a guilty pleasure distraction that effortlessly put a smile on my face. As such, I think I'll be joining Titan, Hellga and the rest of the gang for the next month of mayhem.

Saturday, January 5, 2008 We're official, folks!

It's a momentous occasion for staticEchoes. Thanks to a Christmas present from Jericka, the blog officially has its own domain name. Just check out that banner, baby! No more typing in "blogspot" for my readers. You guys are getting the first class treatment all the way. Now, you can simply type "" or "" and it will bring you right here to the site.

Of course the old address will still work, but think of the possibilities this brings. Just think! It's fantastic.

For those who have the blog favorited or simply dislike change, the old address still works just fine. This was done simply to make things easier for getting the word out about the blog and finding more readers. Speaking of which, tell all your friends about and feel free to leave a comment with suggestions for what could make the blog more enjoyable for you. I aim to please, don't ya know.

Thanks and lovin's to Jericka and welcome to all to

Thursday, January 3, 2008

There Will Be Blood- Preview

When you throw Daniel Day-Lewis' name around, my ears perk up. When you attach it to a director like Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch Drunk Love), I sit up and beg.

The first time I saw the trailer for There Will Be Blood, I was floored. There was more content in those one-point-five minutes than half the schlock coming out of Hollywood these days.

In the film, Day-Lewis plays Daniel Plainview, an early oil prospector trying to make a killing in Texas. When he struts into a family oriented, religious town with his sweet-talkin-swagger, more than a few feathers get ruffled. How far will greed drive Plainview in his quest for a profit? I’m hoping the answer is “very, very.” The title isn’t “Diggin’ For Oil With Fuzzy Kittens,” so I have a feeling my wish will be granted.

When a movie grabs my attention as much as There Will Be Blood, I do my best not to do too much homework in order to better enjoy what the film has to offer; so the above synopsis is where my knowledge of the film ends.

Mark my words, though—this one is going to be fantastic. Day-Lewis is one of the best cats to ever grace the silver screen and the half-second bits of dialogue on display in the trailer are enough to convince me this will easily contend for his best performance to date.

I don’t like getting my hopes up too high, but I don’t think I can go wrong with this one. The film hit in limited release Dec. 26, so I plan to hunt this one down over the weekend.

Have any of you seen it yet? What were your thoughts?

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I blame Chaos- UFC 79 results

Perhaps I was a bit overconfident in my beliefs that math is infallible. Given the 4.5 out of 10 correct predictions my equation was able to produce, you’d most likely guess the laws of science simply weren’t on my side.

You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? Well, you’re wrong. By now I assume, given the wild success of the classic piece of cinema The Butterfly Effect, most readers out there know the chaos theory which states the flapping of a butterfly’s wings in Tibet can ultimately result in a tornado in Canada. I’ve tested this and, believe me, it’s accurate. As such, I am led to believe the incessant yelling of drunken idiots seated near me and The Jeff at UFC 79 directly impacted the outcome of the evening’s fights. My math was flawless, but as usual, alcohol screwed everything up.

On to the results!

Unlike most folks who pay big bucks to see UFCs live, The Jeff and I made sure we were in our seats well before the first “let’s do it.” (I assume Herb Dean shouts something like that to kick off each fight. I’m not sure. It’s no “Let’s get it on,” that’s for sure.)

In my predictions, I called for a narrow win by Doug Evans over Mark Bocek. WRONG! Bocek took this one due to decision. In math’s defense, a decision is more “narrow” than a TKO or tapout, so we’ll call this one a wash.

Into the second bout, I called for Roan Carneiro to knock Tony DeSouza square on his ass. In round two, Carneiro proved the odds correct with a TKO. Booya!

Not only was my math wrong in the Dean Lister/Jordan Radev fight, but the fight was also about as entertaining as your standard calculus class. In this snorefest, Lister bested Radev via unanimous decision after three rounds of serving as his dancing partner. I like Lister, but damn did he move slow in this fight. Being the least boring of the two isn't a win in my book.

I said Manny Gamburyan would best Nate Mohr in traditional bloodbath fashion and, well, I was almost right. Had Mohr’s broken bone due to ankle-lock pierced the skin, I’m confident there would have been a lot more blood on the mat. Instead, an awkward shift in body position led to Mohr losing the ability to walk and Gamburyan nabbing the win.

According to my calculations, the James Irvin/Luis Cane fight was supposed to end in a draw. Unfortunately, Cane threw a knee into a downed Irvin’s skull and, ultimately, lost due to disqualification. I’m going to go on record as saying I’ve seen better “falls” taken in many-a soccer match. This was an unfortunate way for a fight to end. As for Irvin, consider yourself suspect, buddy.

In the fight between Eddie Sanchez and Soa Palelei, math insisted a battle would ensue resulting in a Sanchez victory. The battle was only decent, but Sanchez did actually win via TKO in the third.

Melvin Guillard was supposed to decapitate Rich Clementi. Unfortunately, “No Love” lived up to his nickname by delivering an insulting final kick after besting Guillard with a rear naked choke. The Jeff said it best. We’re adding “watch Clementi get his disrespectful ass kicked” to our lifetime to-do lists.

Rameau Sokoudjou was supposed to top Lyoto Machida for a big win. Maybe Sokoudjou’s Predator mask threw off his equilibrium because his performance certainly left something to be desired. I was hoping for more out of this fight. Instead, Machida had a decently easy time attaching himself to Sokoudjou’s back and choking him into submission.

In the battle of the freight trains, Wanderlei Silva was destined to chop Chuck Liddell down in short order. After three of the most exhilarating rounds I’ve ever seen stacked together, Liddell was able to walk away the victor with a unanimous and well earned decision. Silva had his bell rung a few times, but both of these titans earned their keep through three rounds of fantastic fisticuffs. VERY entertaining.

Onto the main event of the night and we’ll find the final and most accurate mathematical success. As predicted, Georges St. Pierre attempted to rip Matt Hughes’ arms off and beat him to death with the bloody ends. After dominating the good ole’ boy on his feet and on the ground through the first round, St. Pierre found his victory early in the second halfway through the process of detaching the first limb. The awkward position of the arm-bar led to Hughes having to verbally tapout, giving French Canadian Jesus the win and the belt.

All-in-all, I couldn’t have been more pleased with UFC 79. Despite a couple of snorefests and the questionable DQ, the rest of the evening was a pleasure to take in. Hows about yous guys? Did your fighters win? What were your thoughts on the main events? Feel free to leave comments and share your thoughts.