Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Movies to miss in June

Before I go any further, I would like you readers to take a look at that poster for The Killers.

Obviously, there are about a million things wrong with it, but is it me, or are they playing a game of opposite-face?

Shouldn’t the trigger-happy hunk with a license to “blah,” gun at the ready, be smiling like a goob while the scared, confused, betrayed wife who barely wants to touch the 50-calibur death dealer be making the obnoxious unhappy expression?

This might be the worst movie poster ever made. I dare you to find one more worthy of that title.

That being said, the summer months apparently have me in a good mood when it comes to bashing movies. Grown Ups, The A-Team and The Karate Kid almost made it on the list, but then I realized, deep down, I wouldn’t mind checking them out for a laugh. They, at least, have a chance of being entertaining (even if not for the right reasons).

The next two flicks, though, reek of craptacular pooptitude.

The Killers: I can’t decide if this or the upcoming Knight and Day, featuring Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruize, looks like the worse version of the same story, but suffice it to say both look utterly terrible. I think Kutcher and Heigl could be a good team, just not in this movie. I may have broken the record for most groans in two minutes while watching this one’s trailer.

The Twilight Saga- Eclipse: I keep telling myself there’s only two more of these and we’ll be done (since the final book is being made into two movies and all), but that doesn’t take away the annual sting from having to deal with Twitweens and Twimoms for another month. I’m fairly sure hardcore Trekies consider these folks over-the-top and obnoxious, and that’s saying something. I felt it unfair to keep judging without proper initiation, so I did sit down with the GF to watch the first movie. Unless vampires can perform miracles this time around, moviegoers can expect nothing of substance to come out of this melodramatic drivel.


Jeff said...

How does it feel, having a Twihard for a live-in girlfriend? LOL


-Ryan Winslett said...

How dare you, sir. Having read all the books, she's the most qualified among us to bash Twilight, and she does so often. I don't think she even bothered with the second movie, as she had gone way past her crap threshold.

lincoln said...

one thing i noticed while driving up and down streets in my big brown truck is the twilight street signs are missing. Effing twihards! i hope the city raises them 25ft high and welds them on their all the pantera street signs!

-Ryan Winslett said...

I didn't even trealize that's a problem. If they put them up high enough, a couple tweens could win the Darwin award with their 14-ft drops to the pavement.