Thursday, February 28, 2008

Movies to miss in March

Our epic look at craptacular cinema continues. (For the record, my spellcheck no longer tries to correct "craptacular." Victory is sweet.)

I'm surprised to say DVD is looking pretty dang sweet in March. From Into the Wild to No Country For Old Men, the selection is solid. I wasn't too big on I am Legend, but it wasn't really bad enough to warrant my over-the-top bashing.

Theaters, though, hold a few films guaranteed to make you experience buyer's remorse. In no particular order, do your best to avoid the following movies.

10,000 B.C.- I'm no math whiz, but I'm pretty sure Egypt did not exist 10,000 years before we changed the letters to A.D. Also, I'm supposed to believe these cavemen are not only white, dread-locked hippies, but they also spoke English and co-existed with dinosaurs?...This is just too easy. I'm sure the CG will be cool and the action "heart pounding," but count me out.

Superhero Movie- Let me make this very clear: Hollywood will not stop producing this schlock until you folks stop going to see it. It's insulting how these studios can find it okay to string together similarly themed movies with nothing more than a countless barrage of overused bad jokes. Give me a real parody and I'll give it a chance. As for crap like Superhero Movie, though, I can't decide if I'm more sad or angry at those folk who actually pay good money to justify its existence.

Never Back Down-
Oh look, it's Ralph Machi...Wait. That's not the Karate Kid? What's that you say? It's a horrible rip-off of a 1980s classic and cheap attempt at cashing in on the latest trend? Thanks, Never Back Down, I'm sure you'll only set MMA's progression into legitimacy back a few years or so.

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