Monday mini-movies: Chewing hedgehog edition

I think I may have found the best thing ever caught on camera.

I don't know why, but I'm absolutely entranced by this hedgehog.

Can't...stop...watching.

Movie of da week: Hellboy 2- The Golden Army

What's red and black and awesome all over?

The next two weeks worth of movies, that's what.

This week, the big red guy known as Hellboy hits theaters in a big way. Back for round two, early impressions point to The Golden Army being better than the first in every respect. Considering the fact I really enjoyed the first Hellboy movie, I can't tell you how excited this makes me for the sequel.

Actually, yes I can. I'm very, very excited.

Anyway, consider this your time to be spoiled. When it comes to summer action flicks, the likes of Wanted, Hellboy and The Dark Knight add up to a fantastic July.

Metal Gear Solid 4: A spoiler free review

Does saying a game is absolutely fantastic count as a spoiler?

Anyway, I've heard a decent amount of mixed opinions when it comes to the much anticipate Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. One "Times" reviewer went so far as to say he doesn't even consider it a game.

Considering the fact the watch-to-play ratio is just about even, I can see where he's coming from. I do not, however, agree in the slightest. If you were to argue MGS4 is an experience more so than a game, I would be more inclined to see eye to eye with you. But I'd also probably have to give you a swift throat punch for saying something like that.

Moving on.

I'm sure by now you've heard the cut-scenes in MGS4 are epic in length and scope. Kojima and staff have outdone themselves this time around. Though, while part of me loved every second of the dramatic, engaging story which unfolded with little to no input from me, I did find myself just wanting to take control of the action as the game progressed into the later chapters.

What is there to be played, though, is something truly magical. Though the story and levels are linear, Kojima has provided a surprising amount of variety any type of gamer should be able to enjoy. From the sneaker to the run-n-gunner to someone stuck in the middle, you can play MGS4 however you like. The maps are also wide and varied enough to allow you to choose how you get from point A to point B, so replayability is definately there.

Along with the standard infiltration gameplay, you'll get the chance to tackle a wide variety of unique play mechanics I don't want to ruin here. The big joy in this title is uncovering all of the good stuff for yourself. Plan on making multiple save files just so you can go back and relive all your favorite moments at will.

For casual fans or those who have never played a Metal Gear game before, I completely understand how you might not get what all the hubub is about. Sure, you're getting a great 18 or so hours of entertainment, but you simply can't appreciate how much freaking work went into cramming in the sheer volume of fan service MGS4 has to offer. That's not an elitist statement. It's a fact.

At its core, MGS4 is a love letter to fans of the series. It'll keep you guessing every step of the way as far as "what will they have me do next," some of the boss battles are awe inspiring and the long conclusion brought tears to my eyes on several occasions. I'm not just BS-ing here. The script and score pulled on all the right heart strings to wring an emotional reaction out of me.

While you could easily play the game proper multiple times just to unlock everything and see what the vast number of easter eggs have to offer, there's also the Metal Gear Online component to consider.

It's as simple as this: If you like Metal Gear Solid 4, you should like Metal Gear Online. Finding a group of folks willing to utilize all the teamwork opportunities presented can be tricky, but once you find yourself in a room with some likeminded individuals, the experience is a hell of a lot of fun.

I don't want to blow things out of praportion, but I also don't want to deny credit where credit is due. While the actual playtime is a bit short, a couple scenes are longwinded and the majority of boss battles don't really compare to some of the series' greats, everything offered boasts such a high degree of polish and love, it's hard to imagine someone not getting their money's worth out of MGS4.

For fans of the series, the biggest achievement may be seeing how Kojima managed to satisfactorally wrap up one of the most convoluted stories ever told. The story, believe it or not, leaves you with no loose ends to wonder about.

While other installments in the series did certain things better, no other Metal Gear game (or any other game for that matter) has sat so right in my mind after completion.

I absolutely loved it.

15 movies so bad they're good: Part three

Welcome to the third and final installment of 15 movies so bad they're good.

While not all movies are worth your ten bucks and two hours, some are so bad they're easily worth double that. Man, I love these terrible movies. Feel free to throw in your own suggestions in the comments.

Otherwise, I believe you have fifteen movies worth of homework to get to. As soon as you're finished reading this, of course.

For those who missed out-
15 movies so bad they're good: Part one
15 movies so bad they're good: Part two

Last Action Hero: Easily one of my favorite good bad movies, this one not only acknowledges the fact action movies are plagued with cliches, but actually revels in those very cliches. A character played by Ah-nold Schwatzah...Schwarts... yeah him. Anyway, the character gets sucked into the real world and has to deal with guns that actually require reloading, intense pain when you shove a body part through a window, and a population that just doesn't give a damn. Great fun!

Howard the Duck: I had to step into the way-back machine to pull this one out. It's a horrible movie based off a pretty wretched comic book, but man is it entertaining. Any movie that implies a three-foot-tall talking duck and his human lady friend get it on has to be a good bad movie, right?

Tremors: This one was another close call in the "actually a good movie" category. But once you consider the often cheeseball dialogue and wonderfully campy monster movie magic, Tremors' fate as a good bad movie is sealed. Part two was pretty fun, but stay far away from parts three and four. They're just bad, bad movies.

Saw: Plot holes galore, terrible acting, overdone gore for the sheer sake of shock value and, surprisingly enough, a unique story that actually keeps you guessing. Saw is a genuinely creepy, genuinely good bad movie. Again, the first sequel was okay, but it's best to avoid the rest.

Almost anything with Stallone: Maybe it's cheating to cluster a bunch of movies as a single entry, but when one man can put out so much likeable crap, I can't help but end the list with this one. Off the top of the dome we have Judge Dredd, Demolition Man, Stop or My Mom Will Shoot and (one of my favorites) Over the Top. That's a whole lot of aweful most people are ashamed to admit they've seen and even more ashamed to admit they like.

Monday mini-movies: Lucky people edition

We've all seen some dude faceplant while attempting a ridiculous stunt, right?

Videos of silly folk getting themselves hurt are a dime a dozen.

It's the instances of people narrowly dodging death that are rare to come by. Thankfully, the above video has several of these moments brought together into one "oh no!" inspiring clip.

Enjoy!

Movie of da week: Hancock

Okay, so I'm not exactly a'hunerd percent behind my recommendation this week.

Hancock has the potential to be a good superhero flick. Sadly, I don't know how high that potential is. I'm a fan of Smith and, when the trailer isn't trying to be hilarious, some of the millisecond clips look like they might belong to a decent scene.

Am I over analyzing here? I hate when I do that.

Anyway, if you don't want to risk being let down, you could always head out to Wall-E or Wanted instead.

OR! You could always just relax this weekend and wait for Dark Knight and Hellboy 2 to come out later this month. *does a sad, nerdy little happy dance*

UFC 86: Echo calls it

Continuing staticEchoes.com's tradition of absolutely unscientific, unproven, somewhat questionable methods of calling fights, this UFC (86, we'll call it) will be decided by each man's facial hair.

For the record, we'll be using the face rugs on display at UFC's official site for the purposes of these predictions. If, by some cruel twist of fate or an unfortunate shaving accident, the fighters look different come Saturday night's fight time, there is no guarantee these predictions will be entirely accurate.

Otherwise, I'm fully confident what follows will be sickeningly perfect.

Corey Hill Vs. Justin Buchholz
I'm not sure if that's a shadow under Buchholz's chin or a sorry excuse for man-hair. While Hill barely has more to offer, his clean cut approach is enough to earn him my pick for winner by reverse ankle bite.

Melvin Guillard Vs. Dennis Siver
What's that Siver? You can't grow a cheek warmer? Guillard has at least put up a decidedly weak effort to prove his manhood. Guillard breaks Siver's arm and spirit in round two. Unfortunately, there's no cure for a broken spirit.

Jorge Gurgel Vs. Cole Miller
Turns out Miller recently graduated from middle school. Check out that baby face. Curgel is going to rip Miller in half within the first twenty seconds of the fight. Gurgel's five'o'clock shadowis truly a force to be reckoned with.

Gabriel Gonzaga Vs. Justin McCully
Talk about a close call. Finally, two men willing to prove their worth. Seeing as how Gonzaga and McCully both know how to grow some flavor savors, this one's going to the hair on top of each combatants' head. Sorry McCully, but the ridiculous corn rows ain't cutting it. Gonzaga in the third after openly criticizing McCully's barbershop disaster.

Tyson Griffin Vs. Marcus Aurelio
I kind of like what these guys are doing here. With just enough stubble, both have shown they CAN grow facial hair, but have simply chosen not to take part in my experiment just to piss me off. Both are winners in my book.

Josh Koscheck Vs. Chris Lytle
Damn you Koscheck and your confusing choice of hair color. Ignoring your poor fashion sense, I can't ignore your ability to put on the scruff. Josh wins, but barely. I'm thinking underwater donkey punch in the second.

Joe Stevenson Vs. Gleison Tibau
While neither Stevenson or Tibau have much to offer, Stevenson's facial hair looks to actually be an extension of his skull hair. I consider this cheating. Tibau doesn't impress, but he at least pulls out the win by decision.

Patrick Cote Vs. Ricardo Almeida
Here we have another clear cut case of man vs. man-child. Thanks for keeping it squeaky clean Almeida. Cote will have no problem spotting your kisser amidst all that nothing and will do so many, many times. Hope you like naps, cause Cote is aiming for your narcolepsy button.

Quinton Jackson Vs. Forrest Griffin
Griffin tries to stand up to Jackson's facial hair, but just like with this fight, he falls far too shy of the mark. This one is over in the first. I expect Jackson to knock Griffin silly and, in a surprise turn of events, start dancing over his unconcious body. Freaking LOVE those high kicks.

Review round-up: Hulk, Otis and Wall-E

Rather than bog you wonderful readers down with review after review, and seeing as how I've fallen a bit behind on movies I've recently seen, I thought I'd cram three in for the space of one.

While not as in-depth, I think these bite-sized doses will get the job done just fine.

The Incredible Hulk:
Yippee! Directors have finally figured out "comic book movie" doesn't necessarily translate to "let's just phone this one in and rake in the millions."

While I absolutely hated 2003's Hulk (I mean, a hulked out Poodle? Really?), I have to give director Louis Leterrier and actors Edward Norton and Liv Tyler credit for pulling off the nearly impossible feat of making a sequel far and away superior to its predecessor.

The story is lukewarm, but the performances and action more than make up for that. Stacked up against the likes of the phenomenal Iron Man, Batman Begins and other quality superhero flicks, The Incredible Hulk holds its own.

Otis:
I don't expect anyone to have actually heard of this one, so consider this exposure my good deed for the day.

I'm a fan of low budget, indie horror movies, and Otis is exactly that. Despite the bankroll and straight to DVD status, however, Otis is a quality watch for fans of the genre.

Don't let the poster fool you, there's little in the line of blood and gore in this one. Otis is about a seriously troubled dude who kidnaps girls and makes them live through six weeks of hell leading up to "prom" before dispatching them in horrible ways. Again, these ways are only described. There's not much to get your guts tied up over.

When a girl goes missing and her family proves to be the vengeful type, the dark hilarity ensues. Expect to be disturbed. Expect to laugh a lot. Expect to enjoy a surprisingly entertaining horror flick.

Wall-E:
While I won't go so far as to say Wall-E is Pixar's best movie to date, the animation is mostly great, the messages are more direct than ever and the story is oddly adult.

While the kiddies are busy enjoying the cute voices and silly antics of Wall-E and his robot companions, adults can expect to receive a large portion of brainfood to chew on throughout the movie's runtime.

It's slow to build, but that's part of the charm. Wall-E sacrifices some of the usual razzle-dazzle for story and, though a bit heavy handed, the story succeeds.

I definately dug Wall-E.

Movies to miss in July

With films like The Dark Knight and Hellboy II hitting the silver screen this month, it's nice to see such little in the line of poo trying to clutter the marquee.

On DVD, though, there are still plenty of flicks to steer clear of.

Meet Dave: Did you hear that? That was the sound of Eddie Murphy's career plummeting another notch or ten. I'm going to go so far as to say I am less interested in Meet Dave than I was in Norbert. I love Eddie when he's used properly and, sorry, but this ain't it.

Vantage Point: What has the potential to be a taut thriller unravels quickly into a mess of crossing plots and nothing worth paying attention to. If you're going to use the approach of "six people, one crime, all see something different," you had better at least present it in a way you don't need a road map to follow. Oh, and making it interesting would help, too.

Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns: I have seen none of Tyler Perry's work and I'll tell you why- I can't stand the fact his name is tacked on to every damn thing he does. Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns. Tyler Perry's House of Payne. Yyler Perry's raging ego is more like it.

Superhero Movie: Once again, I will not even justify this flaming pile of crap (along with nearly every other film of its ilk) with further comment save to say please, please, please do not spend your money on this. You'll only confuse the studio into assuming that means you want more.

Step up 2 the streets: Much like my irrational hatred of anything Tyler Perry, I also have a massive dislike of anything with a number in place of a word in the title. Especially if that title is about dancing in da' streets where real gangstas prove their stuff, yo.

Games to get in July

July can mean only one thing. I'm sure it means many things, actually, but in the world of gaming it can only mean the annual drought is officially upon us.

Rather than space quality titles throughout the months when the majority of the gaming masses are out of school and looking for something to do, developers have once again seen fit to cram their biggest hitters into the months just before Christmas. Ah, capitalism.

For the months of July and August of 2008, that means not a whole hell of a lot will be going on. Part of me welcomes the extra time to catch up on my backlog of games while part of me wonders if I would ever need to "catch up" if games came out in a steady trickle as opposed to a sudden downpour in the last quarter of the year.

Anyway, here are a few titles that might be worth your time.

July
7th- Unreal Tournament III (360)
8th- Civilization Revolution (PS3, 360, DS)
22nd- Final Fantasy IV (DS)
26th- Soulcalibur IV (PS3, 360)

Mostly niche titles, I'm not personally too excited about anything out this month.

While UT3 finally hits the 360 this month, I'm guessing a certain other shooter will not be loosening its hold on the online frag-fest demographic any time soon. Sadly, I don't think there's a market for UT3 at the moment.

Civilization IV is dandy and gorgeous, but again, it's not a title a huge chunk of the gaming population can sink their teeth into. Too much of that thinkin' business.
Soulcalibur IV looks like a great fighter, but for $60, that particular genre is losing its luster for me.

Finally there's Final Fantasy IV for the DS. I've officially sworn off these remakes until they decide to combine FFI through VI in a single, definitive package. I can only own so many versions of the same damn game and, frankly, a package deal would be far more bang for the buck when there's so little being added save a dungeon or two and a new coat of paint.