Sunday, April 5, 2009

Movies to miss in April

Am I alone in thinking Vin Diesel is a badass? Even though I dig his work, I can't expect the rest of the population to feel the same way, especially when the vast majority of his work is pretty terrible. I call it good-bad. Most others just call it bad-bad. We'll agree to disagree.

Anyway, here is the list of movies to shy away from this month. Only a few titles add up to quite a bit of "bad" in April.

Fast and Furious- Not only does Diesel have a new game coming out this month in the form of The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena, but he also has a movie coming out. What's the difference? The game is probably going to be great. Four Fast Four Furious, or F4 as I like to call it, is gonna be poop.

Hannah Montana: The Movie- What's likely going to be worse than Hannah Montana: The Movie? Hows about Hannah Montana: The Movie: The Game. It exists, folks.

Dragonball Evolution: The day the Japanese make a crappy adaptation of G.I. Joe with one of their own actors in the lead role is the day I'll get over this Dragonball movie existing. I was one of those sad pups who made sure thirty minutes of every afternoon was spent in front of the TV watching Goku charge up his powers for five straight episodes. I loved this series and, big surprise, Hollywood is primed to crap all over it.

17 Again- Go back to singing in high school, you tool.

Well, there you have it. And for those looking to rent, remember to scoff at The Day the Earth Stood Still and The Spirit.

That will be all.

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