UFC 97: Echo calls it

Well, UFC 97 is here and that means I have some predicting to do.

*puts on prediction cap which looks oddly similar to a beer helmet*

This time around we're going to be looking at just the main card. Nothing against you undercardlings. I just don't like any of you.

For this month's batch of predictions, I'm going to lean far too heavily on the combatants' names. So here we go.

Steve Cantwell vs. Luiz Cane: This one is an easy call for me. Steve has the word "can't" in his name. If that's not pessimism, I don't know what is. And look at Luiz! The guy's name is "Cane." That sounds both Bucolically evil and tortuously threatening. Congratulations Cane, you're gonna win this one.

Cheick Kongo vs. Antoni Hardonk: Hardonk sounds like a noise your car makes when it's breaking down. Kongo, however, is a cleverly misspelled name for an actual jungle that's equal parts beautiful and deadly; a perfect description of Cheick himself. Kongo will be king of the jungle in this bout.

Krzysztof Soszynski vs. Brian Stann: Let's see. On the one hand, we have a name with three Zs in it and no humanly possible way of ever pronouncing it, drunk or sober. On the other hand, we have Brian Stann. What's the matter, Stann? Was John Smith already taken? Get back in the gym you unimaginative bastard. Zozzynzki is taking this one by storm.

Chuck Liddell vs. Mauricia Rua: I find it odd that Chuck and Rua are fighting together since, if I were to chuck something particularly heavy, "rua" sounds a lot like the noise I would make. All of that aside, I'm going with Lidell because, if I don't, a certain someone I know will literally punch me in the face. Go git em Ice Man.

Anderson Silva vs. Thales Leites: This is another tough one since Leites sounds an awful lot like 1337, or leet for you noobz, and that's pretty awesome. Thales' name has the edge, but I don't honestly think Silva can be beat. I'm conveniently ignoring my own rules on this one and saying Silva will once again prove he's one of the best fighters now or ever.