Monday, August 2, 2010

Top ten worst video game box art: Part two

Continuing the list of the ten worst examples of videogame boxart known to man, I'm proud to present the final five examples of absolute poop.

Once again, remember to click on the images for a bigger, better (worser?) version.

I think what I enjoy most about this game cover is the fact Strider's sword is in the logo, yet the space viking in the picture is toting a broad sword with a star for a hilt. And ask anyone to describe Strider and some of the first words out of their mouth will be “red scarf.” Similar to the original Mega Man for NES, the picture of strider doesn't even look like the guy on in the game. He's got blonde hair, for crying out loud. And why is our hero space viking doing battle with reptiles in a city that looks like Agrabah? If for nothing else, you gotta love the lazy 80s marketing. “We'd like you to do some art for our new game.” “Oh yeah? Do you have anything for me to look at for my design?” “No, we just want you to do the cover and, you know, make it your own.” “So what's the game about?” “Um...Some dude is a city of sorts...against these bad guys...with a sword.” “Anything more specific?” “Nope. Just run with that. I'm sure it'll match up nicely.”

Super Bust-a-move
Similar to the crazy levitating baby from the early PS3 commercials, this particular piece of marketing missed the point by about a thousand degrees. I'm not sure what you could do with Bust-a-move to make it all that appealing on a box cover, but I could probably hit myself in the head with a hammer, stare into the sun for an hour and snort a line of pepper and still come up with something better (or at least less terrifying) than this monstrosity. I can only assume that someone in the office recently had a baby and, minutes before throwing up on itself, it started making spit bubbles. Someone ran to grab a camera because “OMG! That looks just like the orbs from that puzzle game we're working on!”

Cheggers Party Quiz
First of all, who is Cheggers and why is he so horribly frightening? Who sees a balding 55-year-old dancing in what appears to be his shower with a spotlight on him and thinks 1) Oh, sweet! This must be an awesome party game, or 2) I want to have anything to do with this particular title? I pray someone lost a job over this mess.

Metro cross
I remember when I was growing up and thought skateboarding was the coolest thing in the history of ever. Thank god I never saw this tragedy on the shelf. Once again, there's just too much “wrong” crammed into a single image. I assume the folks responsible for this took more than a single photo, so I have to assume the rejected images were truly something to behold. My first thought would have been that a reshoot was in order, but these guys are apparently operating on a whole different level.

Rival Turf
I actually remember seeing this game on the shelf and thinking to myself “These guys are sooooo cool.” It's thoughts like that that remind me I should take it easy on the modern youth from time to time.

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