Monday, March 2, 2009

Movies to miss in March

I once again find myself having to do a bit of nit-picking to come up with something resembling a "list" of movies to avoid this month. This either means everyone in Hollywood reads and, moved by my powerful words, have decided to quit producing crap, or it's just a slow month for movies in general.

What with Watchmen coming out, I can understand nobody wanting to fight for screen time. If all goes well, that movie should do a good job of choking out the Tyler Perry and quote, unquote parody movies still in theaters these days.

Race to Witch Mountain: I'm not hating on this one because it's a desperate cash-in on a formerly loved movie franchise. No, I'm hating on it because of The Rock. What's this Dwayne Johnson business he's going by these days? It's no use running from your past, Rock. If you're hoping to re-launch your career or something, might I suggest starring in a good movie?

Knowing: This is a movie wherein Nick Cage plays a professor who finds a numerical code that foretells of disasters past and those yet to come. Now he's in a race against time to stop the final prediction of the end of days from coming true. First of all, if this numerical prophet has been right on the money for centuries, what chance does Mr. Bangkok Dangerous have of saving the world? Secondly, I'll tell you what I know: this movie is gonna be poop.

The Accidental Husband: I'm all for romances, but something about playing love games with people's heads and hearts seriously pisses me off...Yeah. That's my gripe with this film. It taste an awful lot like bitter, huh? Silly or not, I hope the world accidentally misses this movie altogether.


Anonymous said...

Wow. I mean, and you LURVE Nikki Cage.

I mean, I know it's awful... but for you to come out and say it. Wow. This is a big day for you.

I'm glad I was here to see it.

-Ryan Winslett said...

Come ooooon. I don't like EVERY movie. Usually I'll tell someone I like a movie, but then I'll go ahead and say "I liked it, but man, it was a terrible movie."
Yeah, I like some bad stuff and can be pretty forgiving.
Nick Cage, though, is on a crap rollercoaster as of late and even I don't want to have any part of it.