Saturday, December 8, 2007

Big John McCarthy retires

I got some troubling news from The Jeff earlier this week that was later confirmed by MMA On Tap. Turns out one of my favorite figures in sporting history, period, will be calling it quits. The man known to mixed martial arts fans as "Big" John McCarthy officially announced his plans to retire from officiating after his final appearance at tonight's Ultimate Fighter conclusion.

I strongly urge anyone even remotely interested in the sport to tune in for the Huerta/Guida fight late tonight to watch one of the classiest dudes in the world of MMA, or otherwise, do his thing one final time. I just pray Huerta doesn't break Guida's arm too early so we can all get a chance to enjoy John's final match.

Here's a list of fun facts I've managed to compile regarding this living legend:
1) In the history of sports, from the gladiators of ancient Rome to present, no official, save Big John, has been universally loved by fans and athletes alike. People cheer louder for this man when he enters the octagon than for most fighters.

2) Big John has single-handedly beaten every MMA fighter in the history of the sport just so they all know who's in charge. He won one of these fights while simultaneously delivering a baby in a crowded subway.

3) Chuck Norris has a poster of Big John on his bedroom wall AND a McCarthy McFanclub t-shirt.

4) Big John has never been wrong about anything. As such, most scientists and deeply religious individuals avoid speaking with the man out of fear of what he might reveal.

5) If you enter Phil's Diner in Cincinnati and order a "McCarthy" sub, you can expect whole wheat bread, mayo, ham, bacon, sharp cheddar cheese, lettuce, cucumbers and a generous portion of "awesome."

6) The McCarthy clan descended from the T-Rex.

7) When Big John retired from the L.A. Police Department, crime escalated 115 percent worldwide.

8) McCarthy has only ever had to stop a fight with brute force six times throughout his entire career. His favorite technique involves a hand full of hair and a knee to the chops, shortly followed by a call for medical attention.

9) According to official police records, the only crime Big John has ever been guilty of is "loving too much."

10) For those living in fear of missing Big John too much, he'll now be offering commentary through the Fight Network as an analyst. New TVs will soon be making their way to the market capable of handling the sheer awesomeness of his voice.

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