Movies to miss in October

Like every Halloween season, I have trouble actually calling out the hordes of horror movies set to hit the silver screen leading up to the big night.

Being the one genre where sucking is usually forgivable, it’s especially difficult to knock a film where psychopaths and massive bloodletting are the primary focus, geared at tickling your terror bone rather than reaching for high entertainment.

Still, I gotta do what I gotta do.

Chain Letter
Writers have officially run out of things to try to frighten us. Back in the day, machete-wielding goalies kept the youth away from sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. Since then, babysitting, deep water and even falling asleep have been the targets for such terror.

Now that we’re more technologically advanced, it’s chain letters. Feels like a massive step backwards to me. Forward a chain letter or some guy is going to show up and kill you. His name? Chain Man. My reaction? Vomit.

Seriously, what kind of villain, no matter how whacked he is in the head, just really, really wants you to forward his chain letter? So much so, in fact, he’ll murder your face if you don’t comply. I know I always gripe about a lack of original ideas coming out of Hollywood, but just because an idea is new doesn’t mean it’s any good.

My Soul to Take
Speaking of running out of ideas, Director Wes Craven’s latest masterpiece features a serial killer who vows to wreak vengeance on the children of those responsible for his untimely death. The bad guy might not be wearing knives on his hand, but something seems awfully familiar about this particular tale.

Here’s the movie’s lesson: Don’t ban together against a psychopath and save the lives of countless town residents. The dude is going to come back from the grave and murder your 16-year-old children for having the nerve to do to him what he’s done to dozens of helpless victims. Lovely.

Saw 3D
If any movie should be in 3D, it’s an over the top horror film. Had this been the “final” film in the series about four movies ago, I would have told you to run out and watch it in a heartbeat. At this point, though, I’m officially done with the Sawverse. It was awesome the first time and forgivable the second. Five movies later, though, and enough is enough. Don’t give these people anymore of your money. They bled the series dry years ago.