Monday, August 4, 2008

Movies to miss in August

Hope your back ain’t sore cause there’s a whole lot of “suck” to shoulder in August.

Whether you’re heading out or renting, several movies will try to slyly steal your dollars away from anything resembling quality. Avoid the following at all costs:

The Mummy- Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: Common sequel law dictates this one’s going to be a stinker. The second Mummy flick was bad enough. I somehow doubt they magically got better.

The Longshots: My how the mighty have fallen, Ice Cube. Weren’t your last couple-a family friendly flicks big enough bombs to get the message across? No? Great. Thanks for another waste of film.

The House Bunny: Most other movies on this list pale in comparison to The House Bunny. The trailer made me want to gouge out my eyes and ears, so I’m curious as to who, exactly, was self-hating enough to green light this project.

Disaster Movie: Why are these still being made? I need to start a petition.

The Scorpion King 2- Rise of the Warrior: You MMA fans finally get to see Randy Couture in a movie. The bad news? It’s a straight to DVD sequel of one of my most hated films of all time. Yay!

Also on DVD: Rather than re-bitch about these lamefests, I’ll just list them so you don’t make the mistake of renting. Stay away from Prom Night, What Happens in Vegas and Postal.

There you go. Some of the worst cinema of the year crammed into a single month. Hooray for Hollywood!

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