Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Movies to miss in August

With films like District 9 and Inglourious Basterds coming out this month, it’s kind of hard to be too upset with the few rotten apples in the bunch.

Then again, they look to be especially terrible, so I’ll do my best to put on a sad face and get to bashing them.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra- If Duke gets killed by a snake-spear at the end and Sgt. Slaughter tells me to say no to drugs in a PSA following the credits, all will be forgiven. Since that isn’t very likely, I’m going to have to call foul on this over the top, adrenaline fueled cash-in on yet another animated 80's television show. And what’s with the powersuits? Which genius in the writing room came up with that one? Did these guys even see G.I. Joe back when it was on T.V? I just…You can’t just…What do they even…I mean…Really?

Bandslam- I doubt too many female tweens read this blog, but just in case, this movie is totally not cool. I mean, for real. Janice said that Margret said that Samantha said a movie about a girl forming a band to pwn her high school rock star ex-boyfriend in a battle of the bands is soooo lame.

Post Grad- A girl graduates from college and learns she has to move back in with her ca-razy family because she can’t find a job and then, you know that guy she’s been BFFs with her entire life? I hear she totally kisses him. Make like a popular 90's exercise toy and skip it.

Halloween 2- Considering how big a leap in quality director Rob Zombie made between House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects, I was willing to believe a follow-up to his ill conceived Halloween remake might stand a chance to improve upon the first. Then I saw he somehow worked his wife (and terrible actress) into the film and realized I was just being a Wishful Willy. Le sigh.

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