Movies to miss in May

Now that the summer movie season is underway, it’s likely we’ll have a shortage of craptacular flame-fodder popping up in theaters until sometime after August. Most of the folks who make these atrocities know there’s less likelihood they’ll be able to blindside the masses if they’re going up against, say, Iron Man 2.

I suppose the exceptions will be the milked established franchises and ridiculously big budget action flicks based on video games. Oh, look! Here’s some now.

Shrek- Forever After: I’m still not sure if this one’s called “Forever After” or “The Final Chapter.” I’ve seen posters and commercials with both names. No matter what you call it, though, seeing it will likely result in the same thing: Disappointment. The first Shrek was pretty awesome. The second was iffy, at best. The third one, though, was an absolute waste of time and talent. The movie had absolutely no point. Given this downward trend, I expect those who go see this fourth installment will most likely pay their money, walk into the theater, receive a swift kick to the groin followed by an employee thanking them for their business.

Sex and the City 2: I saw the trailer for this one and thought I was being primed for “Cougartown- The Movie.” Are there really people out there still interested in these characters? Spoiler alert: They get drunk. They have sex with young men and gossip about it. They have sex with men their own age and gossip about it. They have sex with each other and gossip about it. In the end, everyone goes shopping for shoes.

Prince of Persia- The Sands of Time: I like Jake Gyllenhaal and all but from what little I’ve heard of him speaking in this film, his accent is just shy of nails on a chalkboard. I’m sure the over-the-top antics of Aladdi-I mean, “The Prince,” are entertaining and all, but this looks to be little more than a CG-fest on steroids with leftover scenes pulled in from the Mummy series. Of the three films being called out this month, this one shows the most promise. That was less of a compliment to PoP and more of an insult to, well, all three of these films.